


God Made Me Vulgar

by RhymePhile



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Banter, Catholic, Christianity, Gen, Mild Language, Religions, Wordcount: 100-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-02
Updated: 2007-01-02
Packaged: 2017-10-10 21:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/104416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhymePhile/pseuds/RhymePhile
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keller and Father Mukada have a conversation while trapped in Mukada's office during a lockdown</p>
            </blockquote>





	God Made Me Vulgar

**Author's Note:**

>   
> [](http://viggofest.livejournal.com/profile)[**viggofest**](http://viggofest.livejournal.com/) wanted to see Keller and Father Ray trapped in Father Ray's office during a lockdown.

  
"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, Keller, come in."

He sauntered over to the desk and turned the chair backwards. He swung his leg over in an almost purposely sultry fashion and sat.

"Here I am, Father. Please save my cock-sucking, man-fucking, God-fearing _soul_."

"Why must you always be so vulgar?"

"'Cause that's how God made me?"

"Honestly, Keller, if you made an effort to..."

Suddenly an alarm sounded, and moments later the sound of hurried footsteps running down the hallway could be heard. Mukada rose from his chair and eyed Keller. "I'd ask you to remain seated."

Keller shrugged.

Mukada opened the door and popped his head out to find out what was happening. He stopped a SORT team member that was lagging behind the rest of his comrades.

"What's going on?"

"Some big-ass fight, Father. They're locking down this wing. Remain in your office."

"But I..."

"Father," the man said as he continued down the hallway, "it's for your own safety."

He turned and walked back into the office to find Keller grinning.

"Damn, I'm missin' it."

Mukada sat down behind his desk and picked up the phone. "Control, please. Yes, this is Father Mukada in A wing. There's a lockdown in progress and...yes, I'm aware of that, but I have a prisoner in my office. Yes. No, why do you think I'm calling? How long? Are you fucking..." Mukada looked up to find Keller smirking at his use of the profanity. "No, I understand. As soon as possible. Please."

"They left the fox with the hen, huh?" he grinned.

"Let's just continue with the session until they send a guard to take you back to Em City," he swallowed nervously.

Keller leaned over the chair and closer to Mukada's desk. "Relax, Father. I ain't gonna eat ya."

"Should I be grateful?"

The look was a dark one. "Maybe. What did you want to see me about?"

"I understand you and Tobias Beecher have been fighting..."

"When _aren't_ we fightin', Father? It makes the fucking better."

"Jesus, Keller..."

"Blasphemy, Father," Keller reprimanded, holding his finger up. "You don't want to get smacked on the knuckles with a ruler now, do you?"

Mukada's face went blank and his eyes narrowed.

"It's nothin' we can't work out. Toby loves me, and he always comes around."

"If he loves you that much, why do you treat him the way you do?"

"Why did Jesus Christ raise Lazarus from the dead? Why did he feed the people on one loaf of bread? Why did he turn the water into wine?"

Mukada shook his head.

"Because he _could_, Father. It's the same with Toby. He loves me because he can."

"That's not very healthy."

"We're in Oz," Keller shrugged again.

"Why don't you make more effort to treat him better?"

"What do you suggest, Father?" He grinned, giving Mukada a raised eyebrow. "Leather? Chains? Ball gags?"

"Keller...stop provoking me."

He laughed. "Sorry, Father. Me and Toby understand each other. It's give and take, okay? I don't do anything he don't wanna do. Sometimes we disagree, we fight, but it's all worked out later."

"Do you love him?"

"Why're you askin' that?"

"Because if it's the way you say it is, the feeling should be mutual."

"Homosexuality is a sin, Father."

"So you will admit to fucking him, but not loving him?"

"I don't have to tell you anything. This ain't Confession."

"It might help if you admitted it out loud," Mukada pointed out. "And maybe all this fighting between you two would stop."

The man in the chair crossed his arms.

"Or are you afraid?" Mukada asked.

Keller glowered at him. "Takin' a long time for that hack to come get me, huh?"

"You won't do anything to me, Keller."

"No?" he whispered.

"Your mother was a devout Catholic. Not even you would harm a priest."

"I don't know what you want me to say," he answered, dropping his eyes.

"You can start by telling the truth for once."

At that moment the office door opened and the CO stepped in. "Everything all right, Father?" he asked, placing his hand on Keller's elbow.

Mukada nodded, watching Keller get to his feet. He stopped him before he got to the door.

"Keller?"

"Yeah, all right? I do." Keller stared at him before he was pulled from the room, a mix of defiance and doubt on his face. "I'd fuckin' _die_ for him."


End file.
